Blossom Blog

I grew up in a home being the only girl sandwiched smack-dab in the middle of two brothers. During the 70s the Wide World of Wrestling was all the craze and my older brother Stan was all in! He at times could convince my younger brother John, (usually under much duress), to a match. John was “Little John Bumblebear”; Stan would be whoever was the reigning champion at the time; If my memory is right, I think it was Mr. Wrestling #1 or #2. At times I got to be the ring girl, but mostly I was just a spectator who would watched as the slaughter of Little John Bumblebear went down in a matter of minutes.

As I have mentioned in an earlier blog, I am a Brene’ Brown fan! If I could, I’d love to move to Texas so I could go to the University of Houston and enroll in everyone of her classes. in March of ’22 I posted on Facebook a quote of Theodore Roosevelt’s found in her book Daring Greatly. The quote was a passage taken from his famous speech given in 1920 while in France and is referred to as “The Man in the Arena” (click on the title if you would like to read it). At the time of the post I found myself facedown going through the most challenging and stressful time of my life…. little did I know of the many lessons that would follow.

It has been a while since my last blog post. I have been in a funk that started at the end of last year. You know the kind….uninspired…. not motivated….just YUCK… It happens. Since then I have come up with every excuse to not write, to keep quiet. The very loud critic’s voice on the sidelines I have found is non other than the one in my own head. I recently however was reminded of that quote and reread it with a deeper awareness. It hit me that what I had been experiencing was an arena moment and it was in this realization, I felt a flicker of flame inspiring me to write.

Unless we live in a bubble, none of us are immune to times of struggle, pain and heartbreak. Our biggest challenge is in finding the required bravery and willingness to be vulnerable. As explained by Brown in what she calls a process of Rising Strong consisting of a reckoning, a rumble, and a revolution. Our highest achievement is in allowing these times, our arena moments, to show us their hidden lessons. For it is when we are in the middle of it, that we are spiritually, emotionally, and maybe even physically sanded and refined.

I will say, the reckoning and the rumble I am quite familiar with! I have been facedown in this arena for more than one or two rounds getting my ass kicked by what looks like Andrea the Giant. However for me, the promised revolution has not always been as clear, much like my corner, my safe place. Looking around, I have found myself at times severely confused, dazed, and disoriented. With no one to tag me out, I have felt alone in this dark place.

The truth that I have had to come to face is that… if God is the I Am that I Am, then Reality is the “I Is” that “I Is“. While I have given it my best attempt and have fought relentlessly, there is no resistance that can win against what is! I am resolved that maybe it’s time to tap out, bow to my opponent and step out of this arena, considering maybe it’s time for peace. I am not sure if I am completely ready to become friendly with her, but perhaps it’s one of those relationships that starts out super rocky and as time passes becomes one forged in the fire of pain, heartbreak, one major ass kicking, and finally acceptance.

Being able to rise stronger after a fall is certainly not an easy or quick process. It can never be done without facing what is through the incorporation and willingness to surrender, and accept Reality. Time in the arena brings with it clarity where there was once confusion. Clarity that can be found written on the spaces between the lines of our story. I know this will not be my last arena experiences, but I pray that I can always come up from the sweat, blood, and tears with grace, dignity, and honor knowing that rather I triumph or I fail, I will have done so daring greatly.

What I continue to learn and proclaim is that God promises that ALL things work together for my good when I allow Him to exchange my pain for His purpose, my grief for His glory, my shame, for His strength. When I rest in this truth, I am able to see that the divide between the I am and the I is really isn’t that great.