Blossom Blog

As Summer has ended- the months of level three hellish temperatures have also ended. I find myself thankful for the relief with much anticipated cooler temperatures.

The change of seasons always make me think of the symbolism and application of these changes that are so parallel to life . Fall is defiantly my favorite season! My birthday month is smack dab in the middle of it and if you know me, the celebration starts on November 1st and continues ALL MONTH LONG! The fact that I have to share this month with a few others including a big fat turkey is something I have had to come to terms with 🙂 Seriously, while I do enjoy my birthday and the attention, it is the sheer beauty of nature during this time that enchants me. From how the animals scurry around preparing for whats to come to the lush green leaves transforming into the beautiful hues that signifies this spectacular time of year. I always think that fall shows us just how beautiful death, dying, and letting go can be.

I want to make something very clear….if I am blogging about it, I am struggling with it! So this blog is my way of processing what is and has been stirring in me for a while… letting go. It’s funny how human behavior is. Because we desire so much for the predictable and familiar, we will hold on to an illusion of control. Regardless of how shitty it is, we cling to it tightly like a comfortable blanket. The problem with this belief is the false sense of safety that we feel. The fact is this same belief keeps us from stepping into the river of change where just on to the other side awaits the beautiful blessings of the unknown.

A few month back Jessica sent me a message on Instagram. It was stressing the art of never looking back. Well let me just say it HIT HOME and hard!! I’m sure you have all heard the story of how Lot and his wife were told to leave their home in the city of Sodom and Gomorra. They were told to leave and do not look back! During their journey out of the city, Lot’s wife turned, looked back, and was turned into a pillar of salt. The message forced me to see things from a totally different perspective. Lot’s wife’s longed for what she had, her old life, the life she wanted and grieved. She refused to let go. Her being turned into a pillar of salt holds so much meaning because salt is used as a preservative. Preservatives keep things from changing…they keep things as they are. Lot’s wife was literally preserved, stuck in a state of longing and grieving…stuck in a state of not letting go.

I have to admit, I have been looking back…I have felt stuck! I find myself longing for a different past, different circumstances, different choices, a different story. I find myself reviewing the what ifs. At times I have even felt tortured by the would ofs, could ofs, should ofs. Preserved in a state of longing and grieving for what I thought “my life” was to be…what it was to look like. I have too, had a hard time not looking back. I myself have been a pillar of salt.

I guess like most little girls I subconsciously dreamed of a Cinderella story. I sit here on the eve of my birthday and I can’t help but think about the story of “my life”…. the reality of it. The truth is we ALL have chapters that are filled with hard times. Children issues, heartbreak, sickness and death. I, just like all of you, have chapters in my story that I have been happy to end. Even fairy tails have their wicked step mothers, their villains . The truth is those times we called hard are not there to define us or end us they are there to evolve us… to refine us. If I am honest it is in those tough chapters that I found myself being reminded of my strength and my truth and I have experienced God’s grace is beautiful ways. In the pressing in, the pressure, I was able to see how I came out on the other side a better version of myself being able to see the Christ being resurrected in me.

Jaya is the Sanskrit word for victorious. So as I enter my 59th year, I am choosing to looking forward toward a Jaya journey. One where I see the victories. I am working everyday in letting go of false beliefs that distract me and if I do look back, it is not filled with grief and longing for what I thought should be, but in honor and acceptance of what has been… honoring my victorious story, my jaya journey.

Happy birthday to me….best gift ever!!

ps- Jaya is the Sanskrit word for victorious.